What am I getting out of this? How do you treat me? How much attention do you give me? How do you make me feel? How do you feel about me?
For most relationships today are a perpetual
cycle of trying to decipher the interest or commitment level of the other
person and attempting to match it or come in slightly below it to be in a
position of advantage.
No one wants to be in the position where they
appear to give more of themselves than the other person, they don't want to be
seen to care more, to be more interested, to love more; Why? Because this with
logical reason has been painted as a position of vulnerability and no one wants
to be vulnerable.
So to avoid vulnerability people start playing
games with one another. There are countless quotes, self help books, memes etc.
that advocate "Playing hard to get" and treating people the way they
treat you, masking the extent of your interest in the hope of having the upper
hand. Protecting yourself so you don't get hurt. Playing by "the
rules" that the world has laid out.
"I won't be the one to text first... again!""She wouldn't do it for me so why should I?""Why should I be the one to make all the effort?""If you don't call me I won't call you."
These apparent defense mechanisms seem to be wise
but in reality they are the mindset of the world. As children of God we play by
a different set of rules. We cannot interact with one another the way the
people of the world do and then expect to have God results in our relationships
- it will NOT work.
The truth is, we have been called to walk in love with one another and this does not change because you are romantically interested in someone - God still has the same expectation of you.
This is 'the rule' that God has given us for successful relationships of any nature - Walk in Love.
Walking in love means that you don't stop to
calculate and consider your own interests before acting in love towards them.
It is loving without expectation, it is loving without selfish concern, it is
to act without condition and keep on loving irrespective of what they may or
may not do in response.
"No one has seen God at any time. But if we love one another [with
unselfish concern], God abides in us, and His love [the love that is His
essence abides in us and] is completed and perfected in us" 1 John 4:12
AMP
But loving without expectation or consideration of how they feel about me - isn't that a sure way of getting hurt?
No, not if you are walking in Love - real
love, God's kind of love - Agape. Why? Because that love had a foundation
beyond your own benefit. If your love is based on what you stand to gain - the
love that you will get in return, the relationship that will blossom, the big
house and 3 kids that you've already envisaged in your head lol, if it happens
to not turn out that way you will feel disappointed, you will feel as if your
investment was unappreciated or wasted on someone that didn't return it. You
will surely be hurt. However, if you were walking in love, you will not feel
that same sense of loss. you will be at peace knowing that you were acting
because of who you are and someone elses actions or inaction has no bearing on
that.
But should I keep loving someone that doesn't reciprocate?
"We love, because He first loved
us" 1 John 4:19 if you take a look at this scripture in context you will
see that your love for another is reciprocation of God's love for you. The love
you demonstrate to your brother or sister has already gone full circle. It is
not waiting for reciprocation it is the reciprocation of love that has already
been given.
When you make the decision to walk in love with everyone (No exceptions) it will put you at liberty to do anything for anyone, to extend love, care, attention, assistance without the burden of expectation of it being reciprocated. You will experience so much more liberty and joy in your relationships. You will be in a position to love extravagantly and unabandonly, without holding back - just like the father.
When you are trying to calculate someone’s response before acting, this act of self preservation is a product of fear and not of love and love and fear cannot coexist. You cannot be trying to protect your own interests and love at the same time. Love is not self seeking.
Friendly Disclaimer :)
Now I am not advocating continuing to pursue
someone who has made it clear to you that they are not interested, but if that
does happen, don't be bitter about it, don't feel like you wasted your time or
your efforts. You never lose by loving, any expression of genuine love to
another is always enriching for your own Spirit and testifies of your oneness
with the father, it is an outward expression of that which the Holy Ghost has
deposited in you. What you need to do is move on gracefully.
Move on gracefully - what does that mean?
Take the next step in your life moving without
contempt, with a genuine and heartfelt desire for the person's progress and
well being - this is love. Pray for them that they walk in God's perfect will
for their life - whatever that may be, whether it includes you or
not.
In all what I am saying is, in all your
relationships whatever their nature may be, love selflessly and
unconditionally. Don't allow the world to tell you how to maintain your
relationships, don't play games, be guided by God's example - He loved and gave
His best for people who not only didn't appreciate His love but did the very
things that he despised. Love without fear - love without bounds, love because
you are a product of the worlds greatest love.
I Love you!
Esther Miracle
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is
not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not
easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but
rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes,
always perseveres. Love never fails 1 Corinthians 13 4-7
